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Girl in youth group

Hello I am a youth pastor not married but I do the teens service. I've been informed that a young teen has (from her friends mouth) a crush on me. Other teens have told me this too. Problem I'm having is this young lady just lost her mom and wants to ask me questions. How would you all Handel this?

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2 years ago

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0 Votes If she behaves inappropriately, deal with it quickly and firmly, and in the presence of witnesses. It's important that she knows that she can get the help she needs, but that the rules of the encounter are not open to negotiation. Setting her straight will help her. Don't leave her any hope of a romantic encounter. Remember: it is irrelevant that you are not married, just as it would be irrelevant had you been married. You should ascertain whether or not the "questions" are a pretext for getting to talk to you by suggesting she address them primarily to a lady you know would be helpful in dealing with them. If she wants to talk to the lady, then she genuinely needs help for specific issues. If not, it's you she's after. by caughtn... 2 years ago by caughtnottaught 2 years ago
0 Votes All great points, but I want to say something really simple yet often not said. Because of your position, and almost no matter how you look, teenage girls will have crushes on you as the youth pastor, don't be surprised by it at all, it will fade. You pay attention to them, you guide them in many ways, it is almost natural. Even though they may have a crush on you, 95% of them wont act on it in anyway, its kinda like them having crushes on actors, they know nothing will come of it, but for some reason they keep the fantasy. You just need to be careful of the 5% by Duke 2 years ago by Duke 2 years ago
0 Votes Agreed agreed agreed with what has been said here. Common - yes Have another leader with you - yes I'd also say use your language wisely. Here in the South we call lots of people Sweetie or Baby or what not, be careful though when using names like that with her. Also watch physical contact. She doesn't have the plague but you've got to protect yourself and her. Great thing about crushes is they don't last. Sorry if that sounds crass but the reality is that given time this could easily blow over if handled correctly. by Worship... 2 years ago by WorshipCity 2 years ago
0 Votes First of all I would say it is common for students to have crushes. I would let someone in the leadership know about it and what is happening. Second I would not hesitate to talk with her in a setting this is appropriate. I might be good to have a female worker with you. by Bruiseman 2 years ago by Bruiseman 2 years ago
0 Votes PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make sure you have another adult (preferably female) with you whenever you meet with her outside of the group setting. it's very easy to let yourself get into a situation that looks bad or leads to a sticky situation. other than that don't be afraid to be a mentor. don't ignore the girl, but make sure you have other adults around for accountability. by andrew ... 2 years ago by andrew latulippe 2 years ago
0 Votes Find a female youth worker or even just great woman in your church to connect with her. It is very easy for girls to get emotionally connected to their youth pastor because you are such a big spiritual influence in their life, and every girl wants that. And with you being single that crush is even bigger. Make sure you have specific guidelines in place to protect yourself from accusations. If she wants to talk with you, then bring an adult female with you. It is a tough situation with her loosing her mom, but you have to protect yourself too. by Dana Sc... 2 years ago by Dana Schmoyer 2 years ago

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If she behaves inappropriately, deal with it quickly and firmly, and in the presence of witnesses. It's important that she knows that she can get the help she needs, but that the rules of the encounter are not open to negotiation. Setting her straight will help her. Don't leave her any hope of a romantic encounter. Remember: it is irrelevant that you are not married, just as it would be irrelevant had you been married. You should ascertain whether or not the "questions" are a pretext for getting to talk to you by suggesting she address them primarily to a lady you know would be helpful in dealing with them. If she wants to talk to the lady, then she genuinely needs help for specific issues. If not, it's you she's after.

caughtn...

2 years ago

Votes

All great points, but I want to say something really simple yet often not said.
Because of your position, and almost no matter how you look, teenage girls will have crushes on you as the youth pastor, don't be surprised by it at all, it will fade.
You pay attention to them, you guide them in many ways, it is almost natural. Even though they may have a crush on you, 95% of them wont act on it in anyway, its kinda like them having crushes on actors, they know nothing will come of it, but for some reason they keep the fantasy. You just need to be careful of the 5%

Duke

2 years ago

Votes

Agreed agreed agreed with what has been said here.
Common - yes
Have another leader with you - yes
I'd also say use your language wisely. Here in the South we call lots of people Sweetie or Baby or what not, be careful though when using names like that with her.
Also watch physical contact. She doesn't have the plague but you've got to protect yourself and her.

Great thing about crushes is they don't last. Sorry if that sounds crass but the reality is that given time this could easily blow over if handled correctly.

Worship...

2 years ago

Votes

First of all I would say it is common for students to have crushes. I would let someone in the leadership know about it and what is happening.

Second I would not hesitate to talk with her in a setting this is appropriate. I might be good to have a female worker with you.

Bruiseman

2 years ago

Votes

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make sure you have another adult (preferably female) with you whenever you meet with her outside of the group setting. it's very easy to let yourself get into a situation that looks bad or leads to a sticky situation. other than that don't be afraid to be a mentor. don't ignore the girl, but make sure you have other adults around for accountability.

andrew ...

2 years ago

Votes

Find a female youth worker or even just great woman in your church to connect with her. It is very easy for girls to get emotionally connected to their youth pastor because you are such a big spiritual influence in their life, and every girl wants that. And with you being single that crush is even bigger. Make sure you have specific guidelines in place to protect yourself from accusations. If she wants to talk with you, then bring an adult female with you.
It is a tough situation with her loosing her mom, but you have to protect yourself too.

Dana Sc...

2 years ago

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