How do you seperate your personal life from your ministry life? - MinistryQuestions.com | Ministry questions, answers, advice, and input from other ministry workers

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How do you seperate your personal life from your ministry life?

I had a couple of students come to me today, both with really REALLY serious problems. These are good kids and it is difficult to see them go through this stuff. Now I am at home and I cant get them off my mind. I have been in youth ministry for 7 years, all in the same church. So I am experienced, but also very invested. How do you go home and separate your problems from their problems? Can you?

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- BroRicky
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2 years ago

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0 Votes Our counseling pastor once told me something that has stuck with me in hard situations like this. He retired from a full career as a paramedic/fireman in a small town where you know everyone, before going back to school to be a pastor. In coping with trauma, he told me that it wasn't his fault bad things happened to people i.e. a bad car accident. His job was to help them with the skills he had and then let it go. I've often thought of that when dealing with the emotional baggage we deal with when a kid is hurting. I'm here to help... and want to help, but I can't carry the emotional weight - that is God's job. You give as much of it to God as you possibly can, then you go home. by Todd 2 years ago by Todd 2 years ago
0 Votes You can't for the most part, that is part of being in ministry. You can try to block things out for a while but they always come back. I try to do things in my life that aren't church related and this helps me to leave it behind for a while. I spend a bunch of time with family and this helps me stay balanced. by Soulshaper 2 years ago by Soulshaper 2 years ago
0 Votes When you work with people you care about you can't just leave stuff at the office. Don't let yourself just sit and mull over it when you're home though. Do something you enjoy so you can refresh and come back to the situation later. And pray pray pray. God knows what is going on and what will come of it. Just ask to be used in any way he can use you. by Dana Sc... 2 years ago by Dana Schmoyer 2 years ago
0 Votes For me ministry and my life are two things that are very closely tied together. It is a calling and something I am extremely passionate about and like Tim said, there is no switch we can turn off. What I have found very important, is taking time each week to disconnect from ministry and spend focused on the other things in life. Sometimes that is a day spent doing house cleaning, laundry, and school work, but I also take one evening a week where my cell is off, my laptop is shut down, and my fiance and I spend time with each other. Ministry can fill your life, but you need to make sure you put a lot of value on your family and your personal relationship with God. by BtheYou... 2 years ago by BtheYouthGuy 2 years ago
0 Votes With something like this, I'm not sure how possible it is to separate it from home. None of us have switches where we can turn emotions on and off depending on if we're in the church or in our home. That's just the nature of ministry. One thing that does help me, though, is not allowing myself to become consumed or else I become too reactionary without thinking through situations. It's helpful to sometimes separate myself from the situation a bit by waiting to do follow-up until the next day (not always appropriate, of course), by refusing to be the "savior" of the situation, and giving myself the freedom to do what is always the best thing anyway -- do nothing besides pray. by Tim Sch... 2 years ago by Tim Schmoyer 2 years ago
0 Votes To be honest ministry is something you can't separate from your home life. If ministry was a job rather than a calling then you could easily be able to do it, but since ministry is our life we can't do it. What I have found to be helpful is to remember that Jesus needed time away from everything going on. He needed time with just his father. I will encourage you to make sure when you are home that you use that time to be with the father. 2nd thing is that I would encourage you to not take on the problems alone. Knowing that someone is helping you along the process will ease your mind. We are called to be ministers not superheroes that go it alone. Find someone who can share the burden of responsibility with you. Good luck. by kyle 2 years ago by kyle 2 years ago
0 Votes somewhat, but at the same time, no. unfortunately, unlike counselors, there will be some issues that arise that we will carry for a while. getting counselling for work related purposes is a great idea and help for this... one thing that really helped me was when a speaker told me that i wasn't Jesus and that my job wasn't to fix or save anyone. it helped. by pjwong 2 years ago by pjwong 2 years ago

Votes

Our counseling pastor once told me something that has stuck with me in hard situations like this. He retired from a full career as a paramedic/fireman in a small town where you know everyone, before going back to school to be a pastor. In coping with trauma, he told me that it wasn't his fault bad things happened to people i.e. a bad car accident. His job was to help them with the skills he had and then let it go. I've often thought of that when dealing with the emotional baggage we deal with when a kid is hurting. I'm here to help... and want to help, but I can't carry the emotional weight - that is God's job. You give as much of it to God as you possibly can, then you go home.

Todd

2 years ago

Votes

You can't for the most part, that is part of being in ministry. You can try to block things out for a while but they always come back.
I try to do things in my life that aren't church related and this helps me to leave it behind for a while. I spend a bunch of time with family and this helps me stay balanced.

Soulshaper

2 years ago

Votes

When you work with people you care about you can't just leave stuff at the office. Don't let yourself just sit and mull over it when you're home though. Do something you enjoy so you can refresh and come back to the situation later. And pray pray pray. God knows what is going on and what will come of it. Just ask to be used in any way he can use you.

Dana Sc...

2 years ago

Votes

For me ministry and my life are two things that are very closely tied together. It is a calling and something I am extremely passionate about and like Tim said, there is no switch we can turn off.

What I have found very important, is taking time each week to disconnect from ministry and spend focused on the other things in life. Sometimes that is a day spent doing house cleaning, laundry, and school work, but I also take one evening a week where my cell is off, my laptop is shut down, and my fiance and I spend time with each other.

Ministry can fill your life, but you need to make sure you put a lot of value on your family and your personal relationship with God.

BtheYou...

2 years ago

Votes

With something like this, I'm not sure how possible it is to separate it from home. None of us have switches where we can turn emotions on and off depending on if we're in the church or in our home. That's just the nature of ministry.

One thing that does help me, though, is not allowing myself to become consumed or else I become too reactionary without thinking through situations. It's helpful to sometimes separate myself from the situation a bit by waiting to do follow-up until the next day (not always appropriate, of course), by refusing to be the "savior" of the situation, and giving myself the freedom to do what is always the best thing anyway -- do nothing besides pray.

Tim Sch...

2 years ago

Votes

To be honest ministry is something you can't separate from your home life. If ministry was a job rather than a calling then you could easily be able to do it, but since ministry is our life we can't do it.

What I have found to be helpful is to remember that Jesus needed time away from everything going on. He needed time with just his father. I will encourage you to make sure when you are home that you use that time to be with the father.

2nd thing is that I would encourage you to not take on the problems alone. Knowing that someone is helping you along the process will ease your mind. We are called to be ministers not superheroes that go it alone. Find someone who can share the burden of responsibility with you. Good luck.

kyle

2 years ago

Votes

somewhat, but at the same time, no.
unfortunately, unlike counselors, there will be some issues that arise that we will carry for a while. getting counselling for work related purposes is a great idea and help for this...

one thing that really helped me was when a speaker told me that i wasn't Jesus and that my job wasn't to fix or save anyone.

it helped.

pjwong

2 years ago

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