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Youh Pastors and dating
What advice would you give to single youth pastors and dating etiquette with the church?
Bachelors like me hope to have a bride some day, but what tips would you share in terms of integrating a girlfriend into the church? Does she get involved as a leader? Ways to protect yourself in case the relatioship goes sour?
Do any of you have any horror stories or success stories about youth pastors and dating?
I'm finding this this to be an area that is talked about very little in youth pastor circles but one that I'm interested in getting some practical ideas. Surely there are more youth pastors in their mid-twenties (or whatever) like me who have desires to date and eventually marry, but want to do it the right way...
- 8 Answers
- In Leadership
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- Kevin
- 637 Views
- 3 years ago
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As a single youth leader in my 20's, I have been careful sharing my personal dating life with church, at the same time I have made it a point to set an example for my youth. Of course they ask questions about who I'm dating, but I try to be honest with them. I do want to do it the right way and show them that God is the center of all my relationships. |
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I was a single youth pastor for 8 years before I got married. I was VERY careful to integrate my girlfriend into the ministry. We lived about 2 hours away, so that made it much easier. I knew that if our relationship went south it could possibly be a bad influence on the youth. I kept things on a private level so I wouldn't have to undue things later. Once we got past the dating stage and engaged, we were more open about our relationship. I was then able to share some positive points of our relationship and some boundaries we had with the students and used it as a witness to them. She did move to where I was living not long after we got engaged. |
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The Junior High director at our church is single. He has done a great job in this area. Here are a couple of the things he has done: |
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Like some of the others have answered, I too, started dating while serving a church. |
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My wife and I started dating while I was working at a church, however she didn't do much with that church. She visited once or twice, but that's it. Later, when I started working at another church, she started attending there regularly and served as a youth leader. Although that part was fine for our relationship, we eventually broke up but she still attended our church and served with the YG. I wanted to leave so I wouldn't see her so much, but our sr. pastor intervened and challenged us to meet with him every 2 weeks for the next 3 months. After that time, we got back together again, engaged 3 months later and married 4 months after that. |
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I began dating my wife at my current church and we are now married. She became involved in the ministry about the same time I started at the church. I was very careful before we started dating and the decision to date was a more crucial decision than the decision to marry so it was covered in prayer and was a very slow process. I knew that simply dating to see if it might work out would be detrimental in my position. We were friends for a long time and that is were we learned if we were right for each other. |
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It would be hard to date someone who is within the church you are currently at. It makes things very complicated if things go sour. |
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I have a horror story: When I first started in ministry I dated two different girls in the church I was working. Neither relationship worked out, and after I broke up with them they both left the church. My senior pastor was not happy to say the least. |
